Still Moments...

2008-08-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

Cries of the Crows

The cries of the crows startle me from my reflective thoughts as I sit on my deck enjoying the morning sun. I watch as the crows descend upon the tree into the deep branches swallowed by the green foliage that is so dense the crows disappear from my sight.

It is as if there are no crows on the branches as I gaze at the tree. There are neither flashes of black nor sounds to indicate the tree is a haven for several large crows. If I can not see the crows can they see me I wonder?

I wonder is that how I remain hidden and blind to myself in areas that should be seen. Is there a wall of protectiveness around me filled with reasons, blame, judgment which, prevent me from seeing clearly? How much of my heart is in denial of things I need to look at and avoid others also seeing?

What deep dark secrets lurk beneath my subconscious waiting to be exposed? Is it better to say, “Come out now” while I am alone with God? If I take this time to look at some of these hidden areas will it protect me from something surfacing in a public forum, in a not so nice way? Sort of like the raw starling sound of the crow. “Ah, see me” the crow cries but with his cry I want to say hush, too loud, too brash, no music, nothing draws me. Where is the music, the soft melodious music?

As I ponder on the crow I realize without the quiet reflective time with God I am unable to stop the startling crow caws in my own life.

The caws of words and actions that appear out of no where leaving behind people startled and hurt in my flight path. I descend into my blind spot like the crow to hide and remain unaware from the world.

Fortunately, God sees the crow and me in our camouflage environment and can speak and calm our fears. Only God can open the way for us to see and be seen. As the wind moves the branches to expose the crows God moves the stumbling blocks from my heart and the blinders from my eyes to see my sin. As more of my hidden areas become exposed to God’s light I begin to be free and healthy to live the life God wants for me.

God can turn my crow caws into the song birds’ song of joy replacing hurt with love and harsh words with patience and kindness.

The Perfect Dance

2007-06-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

One of the most romantic evenings of my life was when my husband and I were camping at a camp ground. All the other campers had left for the weekend and we were the only campers on our street. On the spur of the moment, under starlit skies we decided to dance. We only had a radio so we were at the mercy of the radio announcer to give us good music. I remember there were slow and fast songs.

The beautiful aspect of that night is that we came together as we were. There was no shower, primping, hair and makeup to do or selecting the perfect attire. We were content in who we were and had no concerns about what we looked like. There was no audience to impress with are appearance or our dancing abilities.

It was perfect. Can we transfer that to our relationship with God? Can we come as we are with no getting ready? No expectations? Do you strive like I do for the perfect quiet time? Can we come and be with God as we are? Are we willing to let the special moments be the ones we are "not dressed for our time with God” and let him lead us in a dance of change and soften hearts?

Avoidance Dance

2007-06-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of the word avoidance and realized if you added an extra d to the middle of the word you would have “avoid dance”. I thought this described exactly what I have been doing. I dance around flitting from one thing to the next so I can avoid the hard work of exercise, writing or a certain project. Where I notice the dance most is in my time with God. I am dancing away from Him because I don’t want to hear His words. I am afraid to hear what He is thinking about me or confused with what he might want me to do. By doing the “avoidance dance” I am missing the intimacy with God that brings healing and deep joy to my heart and life.

If I would step out in faith, hand my dance card to God and grab a hold of Him, I could experience Him leading me through a waltz of beauty and grace. Or I could line up in His will and feel the rhythm of a swing dance. What a breathless wonder it would be to do the twirls and know God will catch me before I spin off out of control.

My Dog George

2007-05-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

My dog George was rescued nine years ago when he was around five. He is part Irish setter, cocker spaniel and chow and is the most beautiful dog. George has the Irish setter long red hair, cocker face and bright, reddish brown eyes ringed with black permanent eyeliner.

It was love at first sight. It was like he knew he had to impress us. He ran between my husband and me giving us kisses and sitting in our laps. We were hooked and took him home with us not realizing we were going to have some difficulties because of George’s past.

George’s owner loved George and would drive to the drive through at McDonald’s and George would get a burger along with his owner until a day of great sadness came for both of them. George’s owner died. In the wife’s grief she left George alone for days in a condominium and some time between the time the man died and his best friend took George to live with his family on a farm George was abused. He became afraid. His personality wanted to be friendly but he was fearful and in being fearful he became a dog that you couldn’t quite trust.

Through the years George would go backpacking with me. On one trip I felt someone staring at me and I looked up the trail to this mountain of rocks and at the top was George. He was watching over my friend and me as we hiked up the trail. Later that day he almost knocked me over trying to get to my friend while she was struggling with her balance crossing a creek. I think he thought she was going to fall in and wanted to be there to either assist in the rescue or join the swim.

George is now around 14 years old, moves slowly and doesn’t hear or see very well. My throat tightens up as I think of how he used to be full of energy and ready to hike at a moment’s notice. He now sleeps most of the day. George, like me, loves the sun so, we fight to see who can find the sunlight streaming through the windows to lay there and pretend we are cats and soak up all the rays.

Why am I telling you about George? Perhaps, just because I love George even though he makes our life difficult. When the grandchildren come George must be closed into our bedroom which he despises. Lately, when we come home from work George has had an accident. We need a lot of patience with George.

George doesn’t have to perform, complete a list of tasks or meet anyone’s expectation to earn our love. George is loved for being George.

This is a special reminder to me that God loves me for who I am and not for my accomplishments or lack there of. My value is in Christ and not in other’s expectations. There is a peace in the knowledge that God will continue to love me no matter if I become old and forgetful or unable to serve. Or if I just am. God loves me and wants me secure in His love like George is in our love.